It's been over a month since I've watched television and I cant say I've missed it. Though I sometimes still feel the urge to reach for the remote when I plop down in the living room (actually, its a TV watching room which really isn't living at all), I have learned something important from my TV fast, and I want to challenge you to consider at least a break from the one-eyed monster.

The Opportunity Cost of Television

I've written before about how you tend to find other things to do when you stop wasting time, and it turns out that there are lots of things I'd rather do than watch television. Its just that I rarely think about them when I'm hooked into the tube. I want to read more, write more, call people, and think about my life much more than I want to watch TV, and I've been doing those things more this past month than I have in a long time. What's exciting is that I've also begun to think of other things I'd like to do that I've never even considered doing before.

Disarming the Beast

Here are a few thoughts that may improve the odds of a successful fast. First, I should mention that a large heavy TV makes a very gratifying noise when dropped onto concrete from a considerable height.

Out of sight, out of mind. Unplug it and put it in your attic so its a pain in the neck to retrieve it. Look at it the same way as you would grocery shopping when you are on a diet. If you dont buy the ice cream you cant eat it! I'd recommend at least thirty days on your TV diet. Then celebrate with some ice cream!

Go cold turkey! I'm seriously considering giving it up all together. What will I miss? According to a 2010 survey my age group spends an average of 43 hours a week zoned out in front of the tube. You could learn to do heart surgery within a couple of years with that kind of time expenditure! If I really need to watch a program I could go to a friends and risk some human interaction.

Then What? So how will you use your new-found freedom? Well, that's the million dollar question isnt it? Maybe you could learn to make a million dollars! You could walk around the block. Who knows what you might do - especially if you don't transfer that TV time-suck to the internet.

30 days...

Well?

There are a number of helpful questions to ask ourselves when we feel unmotivated:

Am I being responsible? It doesnt matter whether we are motivated or not when it comes to doing what must be done. If the car is almost out of gas, we dont ask ourselves whether or not we feel sufficiently motivated to fill it. Being responsible means we are concerned enough about outcomes to act, or refrain from acting, in order to accomplish or prevent certain results. Responsibility is something we impose on ourselves - we don't wait for a feeling. Being unresponsible is a huge demotivator.

Am I busy enough? Its possible to be busy and unmotivated, and those who are busiest dont seem to spend as much time assessing their motivation level. I often find that those who complain the most about lack of motivation are less busy than they should be. One has to have a reasonable level of activity to maintain balance. Its much harder to sit still on a bicycle than it is to pedal. We often have our best ideas when we are actively engaged.

What is it I wish I were more motivated to do? Our doing is determined by our deciding. We're not motivated when we've not decided on what most needs doing. Do whats most important and if you havent decided whats most important, decide that first, then do.

Am I waiting to feel motivated? Dont!

This morning I took our Jack Russell, Rocky, to be euthanized. I stood and watched (with sunglasses on) as his life gently ebbed away...

I reflected on my way home that it's no wonder we love our dogs so much. They play with us; snuggle up to us when we're down; they're sorry when they've screwed up; they love to take walks together. They are faithful friends to the end. Rocky was all those things - a great dog.

You've lived a good life if others remember such things about you when you're gone.

In times of change learners inherit the earth; while the learned find themselves beautifully equipped to deal with a world that no longer exists.
- Eric Hoffer

I've taken on a new position recently that involves a great deal of learning and I've found it very helpful to consider the following questions as I work to master my new role.

How do you learn best? Are you one who learns by talking, listening, reading, or writing? Peter Drucker wrote a fascinating piece about this in his HBR article titled "Managing Oneself". Many never learn to capitalize on their predominant learning strengths. Drucker points out that even our U.S. Presidents struggle with this.

I met with a VP of Operations recently who was definitely one who learns by talking. It became obvious as the meeting progressed that this gentleman spends a great deal of time talking around all sides of the decisions and issues he faces day to day. As we talked, I was impressed with how well he clarified the particular problem we faced and formulated the solution.

What's your attitude toward learning? Apart from understanding how we best learn, many of us develop a reluctance toward learning as we grow older. That and the way our brains may actually be changing as we process more and more of our information online, can greatly diminish our capacity to grow. Nicholas Carr has written convincingly on this latter topic.

Early on in my management career I was part of a team that trained Delivery Drivers to use a new device for capturing delivery data. I have never forgotten how reluctant they were to embrace the new technology and how badly they wanted to hang on to pen and paper. However, after a few weeks the reluctant ones were the ones who complained most loudly when we took away their devices in order to make upgrades. They forgot the pain of learning once they had gained its benefit.

What about you?
Do you lean into, or away from, the learning opportunities that come your way?
Are you clear about your learning strengths and weaknesses?

Fred Smith liked to tell the story of his interaction with an elderly waitress at a diner. His breakfast companion noted how kind Fred was to the woman as she waited on them and Fred replied, "She's not doing this job because she wants to." He went on to talk about how sore her feet must be at the end of the day. It was Fred's way of recognizing someone's 'somebody-ness.'

Its easy to see others as titles, and functions in the business world. One way I combat this is to try and identify more with the increasing number of those who are younger than me. At a recent meeting I noticed the pictures of my client's children and was reminded of what a busy, blessed time it is to parent toddlers. I asked about it and the conversation and the sales call went in a completely new and more productive direction. This happens on my better days - at my worst I'm transactional and less interested in connecting. I'm too caught ups with the next action, or the next decision.

Others sense how much we value them. Checking messages when you are interacting with someone in person suggests, however subtly, that that soul in front of you is not as important. For that reason, I leave my BlackBerry in the car when I make customer visits. I don't want to take the risk of responding to that little red light instead of the person in front of me.

Nobody is a nobody. Everybody has a story, a mind full of concerns, opportunities and problems. I can relate to that, or I can just think about what I want from them. 

 

Was having coffee with my mentor, Jim, and told him I was considering asking to to be on the board of an organization he supports. He gently redirected my thinking...

"Its better to give than to receive" he began. "Don't ask to be a member of the board - start working on a way to bring something valuable to the table." He then outlined an example of what he might do. It was a slap-your-forehead moment.

Later I thought about my tendency to give with my right hand and wait with my left - its a natural tendency. Its hard for us to give without any anticipation of what we want or don't want. But if we give without expectation, we often get things we didn't expect.

The creative juices are flowing now. "What can I give?" is an aggressive, imaginative endeavor, the possibilities are endless. "What will I get?' is a passive, waiting state.

Its true of our relationships, our work, and life in general: when you find yourself asking of others; of your job; your life; its time to start asking of yourself; "what can I give without expectation?"

p.s. Thanks Jim! (again)

I was talking to my friend George about a project he and I need to do together when he asked, what all are you working on right now? I named the following list of things that have my attention:

New job
PR Project for non-profit
Personal website enhancements 
Weekly 7am Bible Study at Church
Bi-weekly Saturday morning "Mastermind" meetings
Write e-book...

George started to look at me funny as I went down the list. It dawned on him before it dawned on me that I may be spread a little thin. That, and a great article by Chris Brogan, got me thinking about attention creep. All of the items on the list above are good things I'd like to do, but the new job alone is going be a huge attention hog. Over time I've added to my list buckets without noticing how full they already are.

We tend to look at our workload as a list of what needs doing, but there's more to it than that. All that doing requires thinking in order to be effective - one must pay attention. It helps to look beyond the tasks to what you're actually trying to get done. As I see it there are three attention buckets:

The Core - the reason you exist as a person, worker, father, husband, etc.
The Corollary - the how, when and where you're going to carry out the core.
The Periphery - the incidentals, reactive stuff, distractions, and fires of everyday life.

Imagine these as three concentric circles with the The Core at the center. While many advocate focusing your attention from the oustide in; I've become less receptive to this concept. The idea is that you cant focus on the core without closing all the open loops on the periphery. But I find that the more attention I pay to the periphery, the less I focus on the core. Ideally, the stuff at the core should crowd out the corollary and the periphery.

Take the new job for instance, I define the core as "on target and on time". Corollary to that are all the relationships, the learning, the plans, and so forth. Out on the periphery are the emails, data, phone calls, and requests. I will focus attention from the inside out - not vice versa.

What about you?

How do you corral attention creep?

The toothache, the funny noise the car is making, that conversation you've been thinking you really ought to have with your spouse; these are things that tug at you just enough not to force you into action, but when ignored turn into big things like root canals, tow trucks, and conflict. Its easier to address the issues that have the immediate possibility of turning bad, but often they started as little irritants. The noise and clamor of daily life made us think we had the luxury of ignoring them.

Its different, but the same for the stuff we'd like to make better. The difference is we may have to use some imagination to determine what the little things are that add up to better health, being organized, and improving our relationships. But the "Little-Things-Become-Big-Things concept applies just the same.

In their great book "Switch", the Heath brothers make the point that "big problems are rarely solved with commensurately big solutions." Likewise big success is rarely the result of singular big efforts. Most often, its a bunch of small steps over time that bring the greatest rewards.

The good news is that you could start taking small steps in a new direction beginning today.

Got any ideas?

If you stop wasting time, you'll find something else to do. Instead of thinking about when you'll find the time to change a habit or life-piece, try paying more attention to what you're actually doing instead. It takes time to change - the time you're spending not changing.

Televisioning?
Websurfing?
Thinking about changing?
Welcoming the interruptions that keep you from focusing on the new habits?

The time to change is now. When you take action on the things that get in the way of positive change like apologies; making that dreaded phone call; or making decisions, you are now changing.

The problem with the notion of change is that we think of it as something that hasnt happened yet, like an intention. I've been thinking about making some changes, but nothing changes until I do something different. I'm thinking about change as an adjective instead a verb - a present tense verb.

Change is pretty and pristine as an idea, but as an activity it can be messy and laborious.

Are you changing? Thinking about changing?

The line is from Hemingway's book "The Sun Also Rises" where someone is asked how they went bankrupt. The answer; "Gradually, then suddenly." It's true of life. The marriage that goes off the tracks, the career gone bad, the blown tire. It all starts so subtly and then, over time, gradually, the momentum builds until you wake up and wonder how you've arrived at such a place. It's as true of failure as it is of success. Little things become big things - good and bad.

We overlook the importance of small wins - the small wins that build momentum toward the big wins. We benefit from the positive things we do incrementally and are diminished incrementally by the good stuff left undone.